I got some bad news about my health yesterday. No need to check in on me or wish me well, unless you are the best damn cardiologist in the biz and want to treat me for free.

My wife was very upset about it today. I do NOT have a death sentence but the future looks like it may have some challenges up ahead. We are both scared. I can’t imagine my life without her and I imagine she feels the same. It is scary to really want someone around. I understand why people put their walls up because it hurts and it’s terrifying to get things that feel to be a part of you taken away. She is my missing piece and my best friend.

I had this feeling for a long time that something was wrong but people kept saying that I was fine because I look fine and act fine, but like my father I have a good intuition about things. Maybe for me like him it may be too late but I hope not.

I am really afraid of all the pain that I will experience and of course what my family will go through if they lose me but I suspect that death is not the scary part — it is the aliveness of it all. To be alive is so terrifying! To risk so much that can be hurt or taken away is so intense. Losing any of the people I love so very, very much seems too intense for me. I am selfish and in a way I’d rather go first than last.

I am not sure what all the stuff they are going to do with my heart will entail but all I know is that I have this moment right now to be here writing this to you and there is joy. I am scared but there is joy. I don’t want to leave but there is joy. I love so much and there is joy. I am sad and there is joy. I miss my dad but there is joy. I miss my childhood and there is joy.

I wish I could hold the little boy I was long ago and tell him that there’s nothing wrong with him and to trust his heart all the way to the very end.

A few months ago before all this I made a decision to just do what brings me joy and now I understand why. I also thought that I should do the show again and that it could be more vulnerable, more human and a lot funnier. The last 3 months of my life have been the happiest I have ever been. And I am not sure what will happen but I want to thank Joey and all the people that encouraged me to do this show — this life. I will keep at it as long as I can. And maybe the doctors will get it right and fix this broken heart.

Thank you for reading this and being a part of something that means a lot to me,


About the Author

Joey Lott - February 18, 2017

I’ve had that nagging worrying sense too, lately. I keep thinking, “Luis better not die soon. If he does, I’ll fucking kill him.”

    Luis Campos - February 18, 2017

    I love it!!!

Lisa - February 19, 2017

Hi Luis, You hit the nail right on the head with that one. That to be alive, really alive, is so fucking terrifying. My father in law was diagnosed with aggressive stage 4 cancer a few weeks ago and told he has 100% chance of dying within 2 months. He quickly surrendered to the idea of dying and even looking forward to it as his quality of life has rapidly declined to being bedbound and dealing with a lot of pain with cancer spread into his bones. This past week he got on with Hospice and for some reason each day has gotten progressively better. He feels like eating again and walking and socializing. He even started talking about the possibility of getting up to the mountains and going camping with my husband (his son) one last time. Last night he said something to me that felt really vulnerable coming from such a stoic German man. He told me that for the first time he felt truly afraid and his fear was not of dying but of allowing himself to want to live. Apparently his Hospice nurse told him today not to get his hopes up which really struck me as being this same phenomena of being afraid to really live. It’s as if we say things like, “don’t get your hopes up” as a way to protect ourselves and each other from this heartbreak. This heartbreak of really living and really loving.

Life sure seems like a gamble sometimes and the mind seems to be coming up with every reason to be careful and consider what we could loose. Meanwhile the Heart is saying “Bet it all!!”

Love to you Luis!

    Luis Campos - February 19, 2017

    That is an amazing story and I feel very lucky to read it! That’s great that you get to see all that!

    Finally we get to the heart of the matter in a sense. We finally realize that it is not dying but living that scares many of us. It may help us to know that and to soften and become more vulnerable to our heart’s desires.

    I can hear in my own writing that I am scared and to not share it or express it offers me some safety.

    I see now that even disappointment is part of it. It is beautiful to be disappointed because we really understand what holds us in such fear.

    We are given the opportunity to untie the knots that bind us if we are willing to feel all of it.

Chris - February 19, 2017

Dude(s) You and Joey are like the best man. I’ve really needed this show. I did the same thing you guys did with nonduality and I was losing my mind. I want to be an ordinary guy who can just sit, talk, and be real about this world/culture I was born into. No hazed over eyes from online gurus and teachers on FB, bullshitting themselves about their enlightenment. You guys have been such a relief for me. Luis, I’m truthfully a guy who can be a bit hypersensitive (admittedly) but for someone I don’t know and have never talked to, I sure would like to see you get through this. I’m not sure of your view on prayer, but you’ll be in mine from now on.

Love the show
L you guyz

    Luis Campos - February 19, 2017

    Chis that is cool that you have connected with the show and what we are doing. I wish you all the best and it is nice to hear that people get something out of what we are doing.

Øyvind - February 19, 2017

You once said a beautiful thing to me during a call we had.

It healed and heals.

After that I had an awful dream about you. Not very unlike what you’re describing. I never told you because I’ve never given much attention to dreams. So now I’m a bit more confused than the regular confusion.

I hold you in my hearth Luis. You can’t be blamed for anything. You are perfect.

You writing and sharing this is evidence of that, not that evidence is needed.

Thank you for killing my death and giving me the seed to live.

I’m scared and selfish too so, please fight, please live, please heal.

    Luis Campos - February 19, 2017

    I definitely feel a connection between us and I would love to hear about this dream! I hope you and your family are doing well. And stay in touch!

Sherry Heldt - February 19, 2017

Dear Luis,

You don’t know me . I just want to tell you that the world desperately needs more broken hearts like yours. Please don’t go anywhere prematurely. Much love.

    Luis Campos - February 19, 2017

    I will do my best Sherry

Accepting the Gift of the Heart | discovering truth without all the dogma - February 19, 2017

[…] Luis Campos, recently told me that he diagnosed with something scary. He writes about it on the Completely Ordinary blog if you’re […]

Mary Alice Silverthorn - February 19, 2017

Take good care, Luis! You and Joey have helped me out a lot. You are both so authentic. I wish you the best. I have a bit of a heart thing going on myself and if you were in Oregon I would suggest you go to the acupuncturist I am seeing. Again, take care, you are in my thoughts. Feel free to e-mail me if you want me to see if my acupuncturist can suggest someone to you in your area.

    Luis Campos - February 20, 2017

    Glad you are enjoying what we do. Thank you very much.

Colleen - February 19, 2017

Hi Luis
Dr jack wolfson is an intergrative cardiologist….may be helpful after your initial procedures.
Very best wishes , love colleen.

Sam - February 21, 2017

Hi Luis,

It really saddens me to hear this. You talked me through a lot of difficult times, when I believed that something always needed to be done, or changed, tying myself in knots to reject what is happening.

You taught me that it’s ok to be vulnerable and its easier if we are just honest with ourselves about our experience, and for that I am so grateful. Still a long way to go but I’m ‘making progress’. Or at least things are going in a more positive direction, nothing to do with ‘me’ though 🙂

Hope you get the help you deserve and we can enjoy the show for many years to come

    Luis Campos - February 22, 2017

    Good to hear from you Sam. I am glad you are doing better and I wish you all the best.

Bernie - February 24, 2017

I’m sorry to hear this, Luis! I’ll be sending warm thoughts your way. Best of luck with the whole process and staying sane.

You and Joey are great individually and even better together. I’ve been following Completely Ordinary from the beginning, and I was really psyched when you came back out of “retirement” I look forward to many more amazing episodes.

    Luis Campos - February 24, 2017

    Me too! I am really enjoying doing the show this time around. Thanks Bernie

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