Changing People We Love
In the last few months lots of people in my life are experiencing a lot of emotional and psychological turmoil and suffering, and I sometimes foolishly think I know better than them. I also realize that all I can know is myself and those lives around me that seem to be going in the wrong direction are not mine to know but maybe an opportunity to learn something for myself in all this.
In the last year I have come to understand a few things about myself, especially when it comes to creating chaos and pain in my life. Many people may not want to change but are being asked to. Those that truly want change seek it out like water in the desert and those that repeat a tremendous amount of repetitive cycles of suffering are still thinking that is the best way. I see it in myself when I repeat a pattern that many times it is familiar and only hurts myself and those I love. That pain is wanting release but until I stumble upon a new method or insight I am convinced that what I know is the only way.
Another thing I noticed is many times our lives are being changed from the outside and rarely are we seeking to transform the interior of ourselves. We all enjoy familiarity and when we are pushed by life or insight in another direction enormous fear and panic seems to go along with it.
We are all conditioned into routines that serve the system that is in place currently in our society. Many times we feel helpless and un-empowered. The sense of being a victim serves us to work for the system instead of ourselves. But you can’t say that to most people because a contraction arises in them and a feeling that something is terribly wrong, and many of us feel we will be shunned from the human family forever.
Our society is constantly sending us messages that we should materialize our lives and experiences. Many seem to have lost a sixth sense that intuits and feels, and has wisdom. We have all looked for self aggrandizement (materialization of an experience) even though we are all the same in many ways. We will not escape our humanity even in the spiritual, but the material promises of our society give us the illusion of transcendence, and therefore in my humble opinion, we throw away our spirit (the invisible guide) for the material transcendence.
Much of the pain I have felt growing up was throwing myself away for the opinions of others and the social norms, and the more I did that the more I was rewarded with empty praise that only left me feeling isolated and more confused while excelling in nothing that satisfied my soul but serving the material hierarchy. All the while there was a frequency communicating something about trust and doing what I love, but I did not listen for decades. I was told that following my heart’s desire was a waste of time and not profitable. But this noise in me did not stop till I listened and listened, and started to take a different direction.
If we start to notice throughout our day the emphasis on the 2d material world and the emphasis on the physicality of it all. The eternal security (transcendence) we seek is now delivered as a material accomplishment through reward or distraction. In that predicament we become a hamster on the wheel of life, chasing something that will never be ours – the eternal material.
Our world is constantly offering us a material immortality through relationships, status and wealth. We are not going to escape death it seems but yet we have the ability to forget that. Even spirituality promises something that to the physical it cannot grasp, but it seems this body will die and while that is terrifying it is an impetus to act from our deepest sense that knows better. And those that ignore or do not see it or feel it are bound to stay on the wheel.
Life this year has asked me to take a leap off that wheel and I am humbly and painfully at times saying yes to all of it, but it does not come easy. Sometimes I am saying YES with my heels dug in deep.
I am not immune to pain and suffering but the gift of trusting in vulnerability with this still small voice inside me has saved me many times now. Not from the death or any such lofty notion but the eternal cycle of suffering I experienced in just believing in the material world and the idea of the other. I trust this now more than ever, especially as the world I believed in to be true crumbles before me and those that we held as the kings and rulers are all being seen to be false.
Here is part of a letter I wrote to someone that may be beneficial to those that feel lost as we see through the conditioning we were taught and solidified in:
Sometimes we have to leave someone scared and lost for a while to see if they can recover their inner Self and see if that they can have access to their innate wisdom.
I tried to help you and failed with my approach…
I still want to hear about all what you are going through but I don’t want to give back too much input for that only robs us all of the opportunity to see ourselves. It seems better to ask questions.
I have not always done that with you and I feel I have served a role, like you have served for some other people in your life that suffer tremendously– pointing but not allowing the person to be alone and lost to discover what is at the heart of the matter. I hope I can find the courage in myself to watch you figure out all the things you have to see in your life.
I, like you, cannot be anyone’s guru.
Sometimes we just want to cry to someone and repeat the same things we know, but to change that seems so hard at times but I trust it is possible from within ourselves.
Last night was so hard to be so upset and admit how I was wrong. I felt I would be obliterated if I put down my anger and fear and looked at how I missed the mark again by telling you what is wrong with you, instead of sharing what I feared.
You and I are obviously confused and insecure like many of the people in our lives, but it takes something special to step into the darkness of vulnerability and do something from spirit and heart. With our socialized conditioning many times we just can’t or don’t even know what that truly means.
To see beyond ourselves is so scary because there we find a peace for no one in a sense and it seems so scary and unfamiliar.
When we run up against life, through numbing or creating drama, that is where we feel most comfortable many times. The “problem” of being is now normal to most of us.
Just like doing a job we hate or spending most of the day doing things we do not want to do is normal and praised.
I have a belief that all of us can change, But how many people do we really know that have?
How many people do we know that have been changed but don’t change, if you catch my drift?
I love you and this letter may be more for me to tell you how I feel and where I am stuck than any true advice.
We are all conditioned, and how we step out of that is very uncomfortable but I trust in myself and have seen things change by me taking responsibility for my part in all this. In a sense, all we can do is be ourselves and communicate honestly with where we are, and that seems to be the lesson that really sticks and changes me permanently into a more open sense of what life is.
And in the end the change seems to have to come from within in us like a thirst, a craving bigger than wanting anything material.
I am constantly being asked through suffering to see my truth, and how far I am are willing to go down that road depends on the level and management of my suffering. Some folks can suffer through an entire life of quiet desperation and others can’t bear a moment there. And who and why that happens seems impossible for me to know but I am listening to all of it as it happens to me.
I love you so. Trust yourself alone in this darkness and see what is true just for you in all this and see if you can live it.